


In Which Dave Discusses His Bro

by MikeWritesThings (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Depression, Gen, Mentions of Suicide, caretaker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 11:27:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4744580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/MikeWritesThings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave has problems with his Bro. His Bro, who was neglected him, abused him, mistreated him. </p><p>What does Dave have to say about that?</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Which Dave Discusses His Bro

He was always an abusive caretaker.

You're not sure if he was trying to be abusive. If he simply thought he was raising you as a warrior. To defend yourself. To fight. You're not sure if he intended to practically starve you. He could never exactly hold down a job, anyways. You're not sure of a lot of things. But you are sure that each morning you woke up on edge, wondering what he would do to you today. How angry he would get with you. Or if you'd even see him at all today. You'd be left home alone at the apartment all day, and you were perfectly fine with that.

Sometimes he never returned when he went out. He'd leave sometime after lunch on Saturday. You'd spend days on your own, the only thing you'd be able to eat were the crappy school lunches that you got because you were on free lunch. Then you'd walk home Thursday evening, contemplating maybe making a few more sick jams in your room, only to find him on the couch with that damned puppet. You'd avoid him for the rest of the day. He didn't acknowledge your existence.

You have no idea how you managed to live that long without offing yourself. Of course, the thought actually crossed your mind now and then. Nights where you were especially hungry, nights when your body ached the most, when you were depraved from society. But you'd always tell yourself to just keep going forward.

You're actually disgusted with a part of yourself. That small half that actually wanted to be like him. You despise that part. Deep down you wonder if maybe you were a bit more like him he wouldn't be the way he is, but no matter how hard you try, you just can't do it.

You'd even adopted the same stupid, stupid anime shades like his, which you loathed. But it hid your pained facial expressions from bullies. Apparently your face tended to convey emotion easily, which led to them teasing you further. They weren't picky about what they teased you for. Your hair, which they said was styled like a movie star's to make you seem like a bigger person than you are. The freaky red eyes and the whole albino thing. Once you came to school with a bruise on your jaw, which happened when bro accidentally hit you too hard. You told yourself it was an accident. You still tell yourself that.

But the teachers were concerned about the mark, and you managed to spin an excellent lie by saying it was the same guys who bullied you. It wasn't true, but it was still satisfying when you saw them get scolded and then receive a week's worth of detention.

You began noticing that you could never really tell what was on your bro's mind, what kind of mood he would be in, thanks to his glasses. Or maybe he was just an emotionless stone-cold motherfucker. Whatever it was, you had to find a way to conceal your emotions.

So you got a pair of your own shades, and practiced in front of the mirror. Keeping a poker face on even in the most painful situations. You insulted yourself, kept a straight face. Pinched your inner thigh, your eye twitched slightly, but nobody could tell because they were hidden behind a pair of sunglasses.

The mask you wore at school warded the bullies away. They saw you had no reaction. They eventually grew bored of picking on you and moved on to the next target. It's not like you couldn't defend yourself. In fact, you were sure you could give each of them a beating with both of your hands tied behind your back. But you'd never subject others to what Bro subjects to you. No matter how much you think they deserve it.

Now you question how you went through life without her. Her being Rose Lalonde. The one who was like a sister to you.

You started having a thing for chat rooms, since you actually met a couple of nice (and unfortunately anonymous and therefore untraceable) people on there. You downloaded a brand-new chat client called Pesterchum. You created a chumhandle, and for a while, you just kind of sat there. The client was going through probably thousands of other people joining, and you didn't know whether to go seek people out or let them come to you.

So you just turned off your computer and went to bed.

The next day after school, Bro was missing, you ditched homework and got onto your computer. You opened the chat client, and placed your hand on the mouse, only you didn't actually do anything. You just kind of...Stared at the screen. You got up from your seat, left the apartment. Went across the street to buy a few chips from that nice guy Mark who works there. He was some college drop-out who took pity on you every now and then and gave you snacks for free. When you returned home, you found a notification on your computer.

It was someone named tentacleTherapist, and she was pestering you.

At first, it was really awkward. You had no idea who they were, or what they wanted. You only assumed it was a girl because of the color of their text. They were a bit vague, and when you signed off the chat client it hadn't exactly been on the best terms. But the next morning you signed back on just to talk to her. She was good company at least in the empty apartment.

As days progressed, you actually began opening. Began cracking the shell you had managed to form over yourself to shut every other stupid person out. You hadn't even realized it had formed. You don't ever remember being that antisocial. But maybe it had something to do with having no friends.

Rose was smart and sarcastic and most importantly, she listened to you rant. Sometimes you didn't even realize you were doing it. You would go on about how stupid kids were at your school. Or how sick your beats were. But what really drew you and Rose so close together was how you felt about you guardians.

You once let slip that your Bro hit you and instantly regretted it. You stared anxiously at the log, waiting for a reply, when she replied back. Asking for details. You were a little hesitant, but you gave her enough details to know you live in nerve-wracking fear of your Bro. Of neglect. Of every single painfully 'ironic' thing he has done to you.

Rose responds that she can relate. That she feels neglected by her mother. That everything her mother does is to mock her. You feel as if Rose doesn't have it as bad as you, but you don't actually tell her this, of course.

Rose soon becomes the only light of your days. You'd spend hours dragging your feet through the hallways of school, locking your door to keep your Bro out, and she would be waiting patiently on the chat client. Thankfully you are an hour ahead of her time, so while you're still in school she does homework as soon as she gets home, and by the time you log on she's finished her homework and free for the evening.

You soon start telling one another secrets, even the weird ones about those dreams of puppets and their mandingos. Rose is aspiring to be a therapist of some kind, so she listens to you. She hardly intervenes when you're in the middle of a rant. She relates to you in feelings of neglect and feeling separated from the world.

You had never, ever thought of Rose in a romantic way. Not until one day, when one of your conversations you mention something about Rose being a lot hotter than she was letting on. She replied that while she was flattered by your advances, she was actually...Not interested. In you. Or any other boy. You stared blankly at the screen. You hadn't meant to come off as flirty, just attempting to subtly pay her a compliment, but her reply just opened a whole new window of conversation.

Apparently, your shocked staring at the screen had stretched on for several minutes and she asked if you were freaked out and didn't want to talk to her anymore. They were just words on a screen, but you could almost tell she was actually scared, even though she barely seemed scared about anything.

You quickly typed in a response, asking her if she liked only girls. The response was simple. Yes.

You had told her that you liked boys and girls. It developed into a conversation between the two of you about others acceptance, but for the millionth time you had felt really glad you had a friend like Rose.

Through Rose you met Jade, who was a really good friend. She just wasn't like Rose though, and besides, she was much closer to John. Oh my god, John. He was your best friend. It was like best friendship at first sight. Sure, Rose was also technically your best friend, but she was more like your sister than anything.

For a few years, everything was happy. Normal. You spent more time in your room than outside of it so your Bro didn't bother you as much. But whenever you left it, he immediately instigated a death battle. Which you usually lost.

Sometime one April, your bro and you both got a game. SBURB. It looked fairly decent. You thought you could pay it with Rose or John. Maybe Jade, if she was into it.

But then it happened. Meteors everywhere. The end of the world. You don't really remember much after that. Your brain is fuzzy because everything just happened so quickly. But you do remember seeing all the blood.

There he was. Lying there, sword in chest, hand furled slightly. That stupid puppet was there too. And there was so much red. So much of it. Terezi was messaging you. Everything seemed surreal. You just really hoped this was some god awful dream.

You didn't know you'd be so sad to see him dead. So....Empty. But it was like you had been hollowed out. You were hurting. You were hurting and you didn't even know why. He didn't love you. You didn't love him. But you still felt empty.

It made you mad. Really, really mad.

A couple years on that godforsaken meteor. Watching Karkat flip his shit was so hilarious. You ached because you missed John, however. And Rose was just spending more and more time with Kanaya. You had gone to sleep one night and caught a glimpse of someone. It should have been impossible. But it was obviously him. Younger. Same stupid anime shades. You were in shock. Rose saw her mom too. But she seemed a little more...Happy about it?

You were furious. You were so angry. Your Bro was back and he was a teenager and you were just really _mad_. The empty feeling you had felt when he first died was shattered and you suddenly wished he had stayed dead. You didn't tell this to anybody though. Life progressed pretty normally after that-As normally as it could when you lived on a flying meteor and you were starting to develop feelings for a shouty alien. Yep. Normal.

You and Karkat became as inseparable as Kanaya and Rose. You both spent time sometimes with Terezi and the mayor, building can town, because can town was hella awesome and nobody could deny it.

When you actually met him for the first time, your younger Bro, it was awkward. The hate you had been feeling towards him had time to cool down, and now it was just awkward. Dirk was excited to meet you. You could care less.

But at least he tried to be understanding of your situation as you went on about your Bro. With each minute Dirk's excitement seemed to fade away ever so slightly. You wondered if you were crushing his dreams at the moment. That the two of you could unite and be like a happy fucking family.

But not now. Right now, Rose was your family. John was. Karkat was. Mayor was.

This guy right here wasn't your Bro. Not really. You feel a bit bad about inflicting some of your hate in his direction, but you try to suck it up. Try to give him a clean slate. Try to get to know him.

But it's kind of hard since all you've ever known is neglect and abuse.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a project for my English class. :/ It's not very quality. But meh.


End file.
